he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
