my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
