I'd wear matching sweaters with you
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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