i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
