he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
