He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
