bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well I just put wine in my tea
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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