they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
