Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
