dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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