Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
