May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
