hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
