She announced her abortion via fbk
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She even gives head with a lisp.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
