I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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