My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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