i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
