My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
