Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
sarcasm needs its own font
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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