cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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