either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
