so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
