he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
