I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize