Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
