Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Randomize
