No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
