5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
