You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
