oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize