Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
