So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
