I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
