P.S. I can't hear my feet
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
