okay pat passed out under dana's car
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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