so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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