He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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