I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
