Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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