Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
