Umm I'm too high to move.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
