I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
