I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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