..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
