No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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