he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Randomize
