Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
