Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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