Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
