Only a mothe r could love this liver
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
if only i could text you this smell
i dont even know how to be here
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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