i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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