Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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