just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
