it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize