The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
