somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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