he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
