someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
