He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
