Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
