Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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